As of late...

I have started to notice that I am more often than not absolutely oblivious to the goings on of the subway these days. Why? My iPod. When I first moved to NYC, something about tuning out on the subway seemed almost irreverent and I avoided doing it at all costs. But after over a year of Subway riding, I decided to join the rest of New York and plug in. Tune out.

Well it turns out I miss being about to chronicle the goings on of the subway. A lot. So much so that I noticed something recently, something beautiful. As such, I have decided to pay more attention to subway nonsense again. What did I notice? A newly wed couple getting on the train at the City Hall. They looked blissfully happy. They were obviously so in love. And the bride couldn't stop fingering her husband's new wedding band. They sat on the M train at 3pm, happily ignorant of the train full of middle schoolers laughing all the way to Essex street where they exited the train and skipped up the stairs into the daylight.

I'm paying attention again. I swear.

The Girl Effect...

As as budding economist, especially regarding development matters, I stumbled upon a great video the other day about what happens when we invest in women, specifically young women. Its a stunning example of just how easy "changing" the world might be. I hope you find it inspiring. Its called "The Girl Effect".

Regarding Pen Names

I changed my name on my blog. Why? Because my graduate school adviser suggested I do so. I had planned to publish any work I did under a pen name anyhow. But he googled me, seeking out something I had published and found my blog. He read it with much interest and then suggested that I keep my identity as economic development consultant separate from that of the girl who is writing a book about her life as a new yorker.

I decided to heed his advice.

if it doesn't work...

throw money at it. if it still doesn't work throw more at it. and finally if that fails, enlist the government to throw money at it for you.

A passion renewed

I have been told time and time again to read a little book by a woman named Anne Fadiman. The cover of said book is enough to create envy in me, and yet I had never gone beyond said cover. I have entered more bookstores than I can count, only ignoring the book as it stared back at me from the shelves.

This little book changed my life. Or at least reminded me why I am obsessed with reading and writing. The book Ex Libris is a collection of essays about reading and words. Its a brilliant piece of literature and entirely consuming. Each essay paints a better and more complete picture of Fadiman's slightly bizarre family whom all have the same obsession with words.

It reminded me that I had to write and write and write and write. And so I have been. Or at least trying to.

Fight the Good Fight

I've moved again. 7th time in just under a year and a half. I have moved from Colorado to Cambodia. Cambodia to Colorado. Colorado to Massachusetts. Massachusetts to Colorado. Colorado to New York (Manhattan). Manhattan to Brooklyn. Brooklyn to a different place in Brooklyn.

I'm spent.

Amidst my piles of books and mismatched socks there is a beautiful apartment. 12 foot ceilings. An archway. Old etched glass doors. Its paradise.

But i still can't shake the feeling of "oh shit" I continuously have regarding New York City. The "oh shit" feeling I have that I am living in the wrong place. Pursuing the wrong dream.

I know the dreams I want most. They are the ones I etch into journals swathed in faux leather covers. The writings I carve deep into their pages, aching for a life of a more pastoral nature. A life where I work on my art. Write my stories. Breathe fresh air daily. And yet, I stop short of truly chasing such dreams. Instead I put myself into jobs that eat all my time. Classes that just don't do my life dreams justice.

I want more.

I want an outdoor shower covered in ivy. A barn where I can create. A house where I can bake bread. Daily.

I. Need. Out.

Two years to go, maximum. Two more years.

Poor Soup Choices

Today I went to Union Market in the slope and bought a gazpacho. I spent quite a few hours angsting over the choices. The gazpacho is too spicy. I should have picked the bell pepper vichychoisse.

Poor choices indeed.