sense of loss

last night I discovered some sad news. My favorite retail company based out of Portland, OR called NAU filed for bankruptcy on Thursday.

About a year ago I was walking around the 29th Street Mall in Boulder, CO. I was soaking in the sunlight, breathing fresh air, and feeling genuinely happy about life. I passed an interesting looking store which was slated to open in a few days.

So naturally I went back. It was heaven. I have always been an outdoor clothes girl, I am a Boulderite of course. This left me less than fashionable. NAU transcended this and became known to enthusiasts as "patagonia meets prada". Their clothes made me feel like a million bucks. To top it of everything was organic or recyclable. Closed loop recyclable polyester, organic cotton, exquisite styling, neutral and wearable colors. The people they employed were a tribute to their company. Living breathing testimonies to living a clean, organic life with an emphasis on enjoying the outdoors. The business practices of NAU were unusual as 5% of your purchase went to a non-profit of your choice. During their first year of business, NAU donated nearly a quarter of a million dollars to charities. In addition, the highest paid staff member of NAU could not make more than 12 times that of the lowest paid. Being that the lowest paid staff member was only making 10 dollars an hour, the highest couldn't make more than 250,000k per year. Which may seem like a lot, but PALES in comparison to that of what a CEO at Nike makes (upwards of 5 million dollars a year, with the lowest staff member making 8 dollars an hour).

I was a NAU posterchild, and nearly 90 percent of my wardrobe became exclusively NAU. Now, I have a reason to branch out. But what I find most frightening, is that such a business model challenges the very way in which an organization functions, and became a mirror for many new business. If a business founded on sound principles cannot make it, that is sorely disappointing.

All I can say, is that NAU was a testament to the things that are good in the world, especially when it comes to positive business practices. Someday another sustainable clothing company will make it, but in the mean time, this is a sad day for sustainable retail.

much welcome.

just today i was sitting on the subway lamenting my past life in the little cow town. the smell of fresh air. the breeze that flows uninhibited, not forced through pathways of towers. the sound of. god forbid. silence. the way in which the mountains look at first light. i stared at the well dressed wall street crowd surrounding me, decked to the nines by people i have never met before. dolce. prada. fendi. jacobs. i was homesick. stifled. exhausted. subway weary (oh god how i hate the subway). i felt utterly out of control, with my destiny haphazardly placed in the hands of a drunken menace on a joy ride.

i remember, nearly a year ago, packing up my girlfriend's jeep and uhaul. loading up the dog and cat and heading east. uncertain but excited. i dreamed of the glitz and glam that new york city could offer me. the shimmer of sunshine on immense glass windows. the sound of a constant, neverending buzz that kept the city alive. i had friends sending me anything they could to convince me my decision was in earnest. blogs that documented beautiful burlesque dancers, party promoters, photographers. websites that touted potential employers. links to postings on craigslist for that vespa i had always dreamed of. reviews to restaurants i should try. you name it, it was in my inbox.

i had big dreams. monumental dreams.

and i exit the subway today in my schulmpy boots decked to the fours perhaps? toting with me only broken dreams, two twenty page papers, and the fear i will never succeed. dark circles, touseled hair. unkempt without remorse. weight of the finals session in academia on my shoulders.

as i mounted the last stair onto broadway i suddenly felt a vice-like grip at my back, shoving me out of my pessimism. without a warning i was surrounded by city hall park, cherry blossoms, and the utter bliss of warmth. i felt enlivened, and my optimism began to blush my cheeks pink.

my life today is anything but what i thought it would be when i left my home town, post college, with the belief i could tackle anything tucked delicately in my pocket. now i am taking comfort in my uncertainty, learning to embrace the pure potential this city has to offer.

lets hope this feeling lasts.