much welcome.

just today i was sitting on the subway lamenting my past life in the little cow town. the smell of fresh air. the breeze that flows uninhibited, not forced through pathways of towers. the sound of. god forbid. silence. the way in which the mountains look at first light. i stared at the well dressed wall street crowd surrounding me, decked to the nines by people i have never met before. dolce. prada. fendi. jacobs. i was homesick. stifled. exhausted. subway weary (oh god how i hate the subway). i felt utterly out of control, with my destiny haphazardly placed in the hands of a drunken menace on a joy ride.

i remember, nearly a year ago, packing up my girlfriend's jeep and uhaul. loading up the dog and cat and heading east. uncertain but excited. i dreamed of the glitz and glam that new york city could offer me. the shimmer of sunshine on immense glass windows. the sound of a constant, neverending buzz that kept the city alive. i had friends sending me anything they could to convince me my decision was in earnest. blogs that documented beautiful burlesque dancers, party promoters, photographers. websites that touted potential employers. links to postings on craigslist for that vespa i had always dreamed of. reviews to restaurants i should try. you name it, it was in my inbox.

i had big dreams. monumental dreams.

and i exit the subway today in my schulmpy boots decked to the fours perhaps? toting with me only broken dreams, two twenty page papers, and the fear i will never succeed. dark circles, touseled hair. unkempt without remorse. weight of the finals session in academia on my shoulders.

as i mounted the last stair onto broadway i suddenly felt a vice-like grip at my back, shoving me out of my pessimism. without a warning i was surrounded by city hall park, cherry blossoms, and the utter bliss of warmth. i felt enlivened, and my optimism began to blush my cheeks pink.

my life today is anything but what i thought it would be when i left my home town, post college, with the belief i could tackle anything tucked delicately in my pocket. now i am taking comfort in my uncertainty, learning to embrace the pure potential this city has to offer.

lets hope this feeling lasts.